Hermione and the Theory of Resistentialism
by kathaania
Summary: Hermione ponders her relationship with one Ronald Weasley in a highly amusing manner. Wondering what the Theory of Resistentialism is? Read and find out! Oneshot.


_A/N: Hello all! Thanks for reading my cute little thing! Not much of a point, but I like it. Hope you like it and please take a moment to review! 'preciate it._

**HERMIONE AND THE THEORY OF RESISTENTIALISM**

_Disclaimer: Don't own it. Nope, nope nope._

**Resistentialism **(ri-zis-TEN-shul-iz-um) noun: the theory that inanimate objects demonstrate behavior against us.

Really, I would think Charms would be more logical. I thought all of this mumbo-jumbo was left behind in Divinations.

Well, everyone has to be wrong once in a while.

But to think I have to write an entire essay on how to control an object demonstrating "behavior against us." Objects are inanimate. Objects do not have brains. Thus, it is impossible for them to "demonstrate behavior against us." I think I will boycott this essay.

Okay, so maybe I am over-reacting a bit. I will write the essay, but you cannot blame a girl for having a frightfully miserable day.

Why am I having a frightfully miserable day, you ask?

It's quite simply really: because Ron is a great git. You would think I'd be over it by now. It's nothing new by any stretch of the imagination.

However, today I walked in on him snogging Lavender Brown (and all I did was walk into the Common Room! Someone needs to explain to Ron that when they say "get a room" they do not mean a public room), and while that is not exactly anything new either, it makes me so MAD every single time it happens.

Why does it anger me so?

I have no explanation for this. I have no reason to be angry. Perhaps I have been spending too much time with Ginny, who throws into light the Hypocrite Factor. Basically, Ron reprimands Ginny for snogging her boyfriend. He then proceeds to snog Lavender completely senseless (not that she had much sense to begin with). In the Common Room no less! This is hypocrisy at its best, but I do not think it is the source of my resentment. That does not leave me very many options, however. Actually, from what I have observed, there is only one factor besides the Hypocrite Factor, and that is the Jealousy Factor. But I could not possibly be suffering from that! I do not even like Ron, at least in that way. Why are you looking at me like that? You don't believe me! Well, trust me. There is a third factor. It just does not have a name. Yet.

I had quite a close encounter with said boy just the other day. Let us see if we cannot find a nice little label to stick on my irritation. It all started in the library the other day…

Ron, Harry, and I were working on our Defense Essay. Actually, I was quite finished with mine and was trying to reread it but kept getting distracted by Ron. Not in a "I have feelings for him" sort of way, mind you. His quill kept scratching the parchment in a very bothersome way, so naturally I could not concentrate on my essay. Instead, I scolded Harry about that Prince book yet again (the boy never learns!). Suddenly Ron asks out of the blue…

"How d'you spell 'belligerent'? It can't be B-U-M-"

_Poor Ron, _I remember thinking. _Can't spell to save his life_.

"No it isn't," I told him while taking his essay.

"And 'augury' doesn't begin O-R-G- either."

This is the point at which I begin to be suspicious. Not even Ron spells that horribly.

"What kind of quill are you using?"

"It's one of Fred and George's Spell-Check ones…but I think the charm must be wearing off…"

_No joke,_ I thought.

"Yes, it must," I told him, deciding to be kind about the whole situation. Though argument would have been much safer, because then Harry and Ron could have blamed my flushed face on anger. That detail did not help my plight much, did it? Nevermind, ignore it!

"Because we were asked how we'd deal with dementors, not 'Dugbogs,' and I don't remember you changing your name to 'Roonil Wazlib' either."

"Ah no! Don't say I'll have to write the whole thing out again!"

He is quite delectable when he is worried… I did not just think that. Okay, so maybe I did, but at least I did not write it down for you to see, because once again, that would not help my argument much at all. Merlin! I wrote it too! (Note to self: think about what you are writing before you write it!).

"It's okay, we can fix it," I told him. I pulled out my wand and brushed my hand against his in the process. I cringe to think my hand actually started to _tingle_ after that. That would suggest I have feelings for him, and I don't. I swear. (Note to self: refer to previous note to self).

"I love you Hermione," he said. I did not even blush a smidge (okay, so maybe just a smidge), so "ha!" to your ridiculous theory that my anger stems from the Jealousy Factor.

"Don't let Lavender hear you say that," was all I managed to say, handling the situation like a true pro who harbors no jealous feelings towards a certain girl named after a certain shade of purple (okay, so maybe I was in a minor state of shock, but he did not mean his words, or at least in the way I know you think I think him in, I think).

Bother! I did not mean to write that! These minor details are ruining my perfectly planned out argument! What is it with me and quills lately? This one is almost acting up as badly as Ron's did the other day…

…oh bother.

**Resistentialism **(ri-zis-TEN-shul-iz-um) noun: the theory that inanimate objects demonstrate behavior against us.

_A/N: Yes, I have two of these author note thingies. Hope you liked it. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed my stories in the past. Please review! It means the world to me…okay…maybe not quite THE WORLD, but I really like reviews! Thanks!_


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